HAATH KA AAYA SHOONYA
Written by- Manav Kaul
Translation by- Vanya Singh
Scene 0
(As soon as the third bell goes and the house light is about to change, Arun gets up from the audience and starts calls out to a woman sitting on the other side-)
Arun: Pssst, Shashi! Shashi! Here! I’ve saved a seat for you! Excuse me sir, can you just call that woman in the sari- Shashi!
(Shashi doesn’t turn around. There is black out on stage. In the darkness, we hear Arun’s voice, after that, the play starts)
Arun: She’s not sitting with me.
Scene 1
(We hear a lullaby on the darkened stage. When the lights come on we see Nidhi and Purab, a cheerful looking couple; the civilised symbol of a civilised society. They are opening a box, and Nidhi is singing a lullaby. They are slowly taking out the contents of the box, which includes plates, glasses etc. There is a loud knock on the door and a joker enters. Nidhi and Purab stare at him in astonishment.)
Joker: Gooooooood Mooooorning sir! Madam! How are you? Hope you are fine. HAVE A GREAT DAY…BE HAAAPY AND STAY HAAAPY…BYE BYE!
(He exits. Nidhi and Purab continue to stare at each other.)
(Black out.)
Scene 2
(The boss of Circus Multinational is sitting at a great height, wearing a joker’s costume.)
Boss: A story that never ends. This is what we’ve been waiting for. We’ve had thousands of different false lives, but this- this was finally the real thing. So live it! Don't forget to live it. After it’s over you can go to sleep, get some rest. But before that say it, tolerate it, sing it- because this is it.
Nope, nevermind, not it. Another zero, back to the beginning. Maybe this one…yes this is it! This is the one I have to live, yes, I can sing this. I can tell this story, and after that I can sleep, yes, sleep, no more words, no more meanings. Everyone can close their eyes and rest. Oh no! Not another zero! This won’t do at all, it’s too hollow, not nearly meaty enough. How long have I been living it? Forty years?! Fifty?! And yet people know me. People recognize me all the time, call my name before I’ve introduced myself. I haven’t changed a bit, not since the moment I was born. Maybe I’ll change after this, look at this one! I think it’s the one. I just have to live it now. People will look at me and say I’m a different man. I won’t correct them. I’ll just tell them that this is it! This is what life was supposed to be all along. Just have to tell this story, and then not another word, not one more single meaning. No! This is like the old one, exactly the same. People still recognize me, I haven’t changed. Back to zero. Zero, zero, zero!
I keep running around the circumference of zero. The minute I leap over it to plus one, I’m stuck in the web of numbers. Plus one, +5,+15, +85, +100. But the further along I go on the positive side, the more I can’t stop thinking about -5, -15, -85, -100. As soon as I enter the positives the negatives have made a home in my mind. So I run back and start taking rounds around the circumference of zero, again. If you keep running, if you take enough rounds, a saint appears. He says that if you start venturing out on either side of zero, you’ll spend the rest if your life untangling the web of plus and minus. Look above zero, and below it; the entire universe awaits there. I can’t believe I never thought of it myself. I want to say- “but it’s dark there, it is the unknown.” The saint is gone. I try to take a step into the unknown and get stuck. It’s crowded- there’s religions, concepts, rules, gods and so many people. There’s nothing particularly unknown about the unknown. I run back to zero.
(Black out)
Scene 3
(Nidhi and Purab are sitting. The same joker enters again. Both of them stare.)
Joker: Gooooooood Mooooorning sir! Madam! How are you? Hope you are fine. HAVE A GREAT DAY…BE HAAAPY AND STAY HAAAPY…BYE BYE!
(exits)
Purab: Hello! Excuse me!
Nidhi: What a nut
Purab: You wait, I’ll get him next time.
Nidhi: You say that every day.
Purab: That’s because he turns up at nine every morning.
(Black out)
(Arun and Shashi are still sitting in the audience- in the seats they occupied in the beginning. The conversation they have is also as if they are part of the audience.)
Arun: She isn’t sitting with me. How far is she? Let’s see- one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…ten. Ten people. There are just ten people between us- barely the distance of a leap. She really couldn’t cross that distance?
(He runs across the aisle, through the crowd, and sits right in front of her. He tries to talk to her, but she is completely focused on the stage and doesn’t turn around.)
(Craning his neck to look at the stage) I can’t see anything. Why are you sitting here? Come with me. Don’t talk to me if you don’t want to, but please, just sit there. I won’t ask you anything, won’t try to start a conversation.This…this isn’t right, us sitting so far apart.
(He suddenly stops talking. Gets up, turns around, and walks back to his old place.)
Scene 5
(Purab walks in with a newspaper)
Purab: Nidhi ji! Nidhi ji, the paper is here. Bring the tea.
Nidhi: Well that’s weird! Where on earth did you get that from?
Purab: I found it thrown out on the street- probably some kid playing around. Bring the tea.
Nidhi: It’s reheating. What are you writing?
Purab: “If you want to read the newspaper, be my guest.” I’ll stick it outside, on the door.
Nidhi: Why do you want to humiliate him?
Purab: With tea- I’ll provide tea too. “Be my guest, tea included in the offer.” This is how I’m going to be greeting people from now on.
Nidhi: I’m not making tea for anyone. You put up that sign and the whole neighbourhood will turn up.
Puran: Nidhi Ji, why are you so convinced that the whole neighbourhood wants you to make them tea?
(Nidhi goes back inside to get the tea, the doorbell rings.)
Puran: What’s the time?
Nidhi: Exactly nine.
(Puran goes back inside and comes back with a big stick. The same joker enters, wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. He smiles and sets his briefcase on the floor. For a beat he stares at the two of them, beaming, and then with extreme enthusiasm and excitement, starts talking.)
Joker: Gooooooood Mooooorning sir! Madam! How are you? Hope you are fine.
(Purab and Nidhi are just staring at him. He stops, beams at them for a while, and then resumes with the same enthusiasm.)
Joker: HAVE A GREAT DAY…BE HAAAPY AND STAY HAAAPY…BYE BYE!
(Nidhi gets up as soon as he finishes)
Nidhi: Wait, wait! Wait one second. What’s all this? Are you going to explain yourself?
Joker: Yes ma’am? Is there a problem?
Nidhi: Problem?? Look at him asking if there’s a problem!
Purab: Let me explain. You come here every morning at nine, don’t you? But we never invited you. Isn’t that wrong?
Joker: I’m sorry sir, I don’t understand what’s wrong with that.
Purab: You don’t, do you? Should I call the police to explain it better?
Joker: Please do.
Purab: Police…!
Joker: Yes sir.
Nidhi: Aren’t you scared of the police?
Joker: Why should I be? I haven’t done anything. What will you tell the police? That I come here to steal?
Purab: Oh no, no.
Joker: Am I forcing you to buy something from me?
Purab: No you’re not.
Joker: Look, even my briefcase is empty.
Nidhi: So what do you come here to do?
Joker: To make your day a little better. To greet you with a smile and a genuine ‘have a nice day’. Is that a crime now? Should I be sent to jail for it?
Purab: Not at all, not at all. Listen, tea’s almost ready, why don’t we sit and have some together. Come, please sit. (To Nidhi) Get another cup.
Nidhi: Sorry, we thought- I’ll get some biscuits with that.
Scene 6
(Arun is back in his original seat, but is still looking at Shashi.)
Arun: How could she have sat here? I’ve been thinking about going over there to sit with her. Just thinking about it, mind you, haven’t actually gone. I never actually went to ask her to sit with me. I’ve just been thinking about it, from here.
(Stares at here for a while)
Can anyone tell what she’s thinking? I mean, she knows I’m here. I’m pretty sure she saw me, but you can’t tell from her face. Not a flicker. When we used to meet up in cafes I would often hide for a while, just to see her waiting for me. You can never tell what she’s thinking. There are never any clues on her face. She says I’m too…present. She doesn’t want to know me that well, she doesn’t want to get bored of me. That’s what’s happened hasn’t it? She’s bored of me.
She’s beautiful…almost illuminated. Looks a lot like my mother actually, though she would not be happy with the comparison. She hates it when I tell her she reminds me of my mother…but I can’t help it. ‘Beautiful’ will always mean the same thing as ‘mother’ to me.
Girl: Shut up!
Arun: She heard me didn’t she? She did, didn’t she? Oh no, shit!
Shashi: Just shut up!
(Black out)
Scene 7
(The joker is clicking pictures of Purab and Nidhi, who are posing for the camera. After a while, he keeps the camera down and says-)
Joker: I had a great time today, you’re both such lovely people. And so good looking! But I regret to inform you that today was my last day. I won’t be coming tomorrow onwards.
Purab: What do you mean you won’t come? Why won’t you come? We have an established routine- every day for a year we’ve wished each other a good day and out of the blue you decide you won’t come? That’s not how it works!
Nidhi: Are you getting married?
Joker: No
Nidhi: Job transfer?
Joker: No.
Nidhi: Did we…do something to upset you?
Joker: No. My company is shutting down its door to door service.
Nidhi: Company?
Joker: Yes. If you want to say ‘have a nice day’ from now on, you'll have to come to the office. Here’s my card. The address is on here- it’s just around the corner.
Nidhi: Why should we come to your office to tell you to have a good day? Forget it.
Purab: Yes exactly. Why would we come?
Joker: As you wish. You could always just drop in on your morning walks.
Nidhi: I don’t think so
Purab: Yeah why should we go for a morning walk?
Joker: Look at the back of the card. If you get your friends along on the morning walk to say ‘have a nice day’ you get a special offer.
Nidhi: Didn’t we just tell you we won’t be coming?
Purab: Not interested.
Joker: Ok sir! HAVE A GREAT DAY…BE HAAAPY AND STAY HAAAPY…BYE BYE!
(Purab picks up the joker’s card and wants to throw it away, but isn’t able to. He hands it to Nidhi. She tries to rip it apart, but can’t bring herself to, and just puts it down besides.)
Scene 8
(There’s a joker sitting next to Shashi, and he keeps touching her face and hair.)
Shashi: So much of my childhood is the memory of my mother making my hair. She would talk to me while she braided it, often of potential candidates for my future husband. The biggest superstars of the age, kings and princes, gods and demigods all flitted through this list of hers. Nobody was too good for me. She had something against Bharat-Shatrugan and Nakul-Sahdev. The monologue of her dreams always included warning- watch out for the Bharat-Shatrugans and the Nakul-Sahdevs. If you’re marrying someone, make sure he’s Ram or Arjun. Hey! What are you doing? Stop that! Please don’t touch me!
(Joker takes his hand off. Arun notices and stands up.)
Arun: Oi! What do you think you’re doing?
Joker: Who is this?
Arun: Who are you? Who is this?
Joker: Who are you?
Arun: Who are you? Who is this?
Joker: Who is this?
Arun: Me? Arrey what are you talking about? Leave her- stop touching her! Shashi, Shashi…
(Joker does a small act, at which Shashi starts laughing. Arun looks at the two of them and goes back to his seat. Joker gives her something. They start dancing, and slowly make their way to the stage. Joker tries to dance them onto the stage, but Shashi refuses.)
Shashi: No, no…I came to watch the play. I have to watch the play. He sings very well, you know, he has a beautiful voice. I can’t go on the stage. That’s a lie. Everything there is a blatant lie. They’re all pretending to be people they are not, trying to live lives that aren’t theirs. We, in the audience, we’re living real lives- our real lives. And yet, we come to watch them. I can’t go over to that side. I won’t. The play over here is more interesting anyway. But who am I playing? What am I playing?
Arun: Do I look like an idiot? You think I can’t see what’s going on. Why are you sitting there, huh? Come on, give me one good reason.
Shashi: What reason do you want?
Arun: Please, just come and sit next to me.
Shashi: Why don’t you come here?
Arun: I can’t go there.
Shashi: I can, I know I can. You’ve even kept a place for me next to you. There’s a place free next to me too, and you’re worried that anyone can come and sit there.
Arun: What am I playing?
Shashi: Ha ha ha…I’m tired. I don’t want to hear this story again.
Arun: I wish this wasn’t a story. I wish it was a play instead. A play in which I could choose the part I want to play. I wish I could choose you.
Shashi: I wish I could choose you.
Arun: I’ve known you since we were children running around. We’ve seen each other grow up. So why are we sitting so far away from each other?
Shashi: Childhood wasn’t a game was it? But there we were, playing. Are we still playing?
(Blackout)
Scene 9
Nidhi: Hello! Circus Multinational? Hello! Hello…yes can you hear me? Yes. Good morning…yes, yes. Have a nice day! Be happy, stay happy! My husband has gone out for a walk. Yes that’s right, for a ‘walk’ and he’s taken a couple of our friends too. Get it? ‘Walk’...’walk’? Arrey yes, we’ve decided to sign the contract. Yes, we will get the free gift right? Thank you! They’re on their way, and should be there soon. Alright! Have a nice day…sure sure…be happy and stay happy!
Scene 10
(Amal, Vimal and Kamal run in. They queue up to buy tickets. Here, all three of them are jokers. They keep going in and out of the stories, and can also be separated from the stories and seen independently.)
Amal: I’m Amal. Ticket for the 9:30 local please.
Vimal: I’m Vimal. Ticket for the 9:35 local please.
Kamal: I’m Kamal. Ticket for the 9:40 local please.
(All three of them start dancing in sync. It’s a strange dance, and they continue it till they’re standing at the platform.)
Amal: I’ll get the job today.
Vimal: Me too.
Kamal: I think I will too.
Amal: I saw a funeral procession on the way. It’s meant to be good luck.
Vimal: Not as lucky as the one I saw. It was for a pregnant woman.
Kamal: Ha! Not even close. I saw a family, which can die anytime.
(All three of them repeat the dance and board the train. In the train-)
Amal: It’s a huge company.
Vimal: Circus Multinational.
Kamal: One of their international heads will interview us today.
Amal: How do you know?
Kamal: I did my homework.
Amal and Vimal: So did we.
Amal: I know all they really want is ‘idea labour’.
Vimal: Wrong! They actually say we’re just the labour. That they have the rights to all our ideas, for safekeeping. Even if we wanted to, we couldn’t plant our ideas on our earth. They say it’s because there's something wrong with the atmosphere.
Kamal: Wrong! They’ve written our history, so they know us better than we know ourselves. They prepare us for a product, then sell it to us. They are writing our future.
Amal: Wrong! They just show us the future.
Vimal: They hold out our future under our noses, so we can smell it. What difference does it make?
Amal: Look, there's my future!
Vimal: And there’s mine!
Kamal: My future?
(Black out)
Scene 11
(Joker is about to exit when Arun stops him.)
Arun: Can I talk to you for a minute?
Joker: Who are you?
Arun: Come one, we just met.
Joker: Met? Where?
Arun: Just now, back there.
Joker: Oh? Why did we meet?
Arun: You were harassing her!
Joker: It’s almost time for my entry. I should go.
Arun: Wait, wait!
Shashi: There’s no point asking him, he won’t be able to tell you anything.
Joker: I didn’t do anything, I swear.
Arun: I just want to know how you know her.
Joker: I don’t know her.
Shashi: Do you know me?
(Joker runs to Shashi and hugs her.)
Joker: I really, really like you. He was asking about you. Kept bothering me, wouldn’t let me leave. Is he a little mad?
Arun: You wanted to move to the city, so we did. I couldn’t cope with it- I can’t cope with it. People touch you all the time for no reason. Strangers come up and hug you, I see you holding hands with someone or the other. Let’s go back to the village, please.
Joker: He really is mad. Come with me.
(Joker takes Shashi to a corner of the stage, and stands her against the wall. He then runs back to Arun, takes a piece of chalk from his pocket and runs back. He traces the outline of her body on the wall a piece of chalk, then moves her to the side. He then starts filling in the outline with other body parts- he draws arms, breast, feet. Once the drawing is complete, he starts having sex with it.)
Shashi: Why do you carry chalk with you?
Arun: I don’t have any, I promise.
Shashi: You have more with you right now don’t you.
Arun: I don’t!
(Shashi searches his pocket while he tries to stop her. She finds a piece of chalk and Arun bursts into tears.)
Arun: Let’s go back to the village, please.
Shashi: You need to go back to the village, not me. Go, and take all this chalk back with you. Bury it in all the places you collected it from.
Arun: Let’s go back to the village, please.
Shashi: Starting over won’t change anything. We’ll still end up here. Go and sit in your place. Go on.
Arun: No! I’ll sit here.
(Shashi tries to drag him away, but he keeps coming back and sitting next to her. She tries hitting him, but he doesn’t leave. Joker is still having sex with the outline he drew, and his sounds keep getting louder. When he finishes, Shashi gets up and goes and sits in Arun’s seat.)
Scene 12
(Nidhi and Purab are looking at an object in front of them. It is a horseshoe, which is used to domesticate and tame horses.)
Nidhi: Look at it! Beautiful, isn’t it?
Purab: Stunning! I’ve been wanting to buy something like this for my house. This made my day!
Nidhi: I want to just sit here and stare at it for the rest of the day.
Purab: Isn’t it lovely, how it’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.
Nidhi: It looks like some horse or mule had been wearing it for years before you bought it and brought it home.
Purab: They said it’s at least five thousand years old. That’s why it was so expensive.
(Both of them hold hands and strike a pose.)
Nidhi: I love you.
Purab: I love you too.
Nidhi: You like bhindi right?
Purab: Yes.
Nidhi: I’ll make bhindi today.
Purab: And I’ll eat bhindi today.
(Nidhi starts to get up)
Purab: Where are you going?
Nidhi: To make the bhindi.
Purab: Wait, let's decide where we're going to keep this first.
(Both take a round of the room, stop to think at several places and then return to the same spot)
Purab: It should be the first thing guests see when they enter.
Nidhi: Yes exactly…what about next to the shoe rack?
Purab: The shoe rack? You want to put this next to the shoe rack? Do you remember how much we paid for it? Let’s put it above the TV.
Nidhi: No, that's where the portrait of my mother goes.
Purab: What about right outside the door? It’s supposed to be good luck.
Nidhi: Absolutely not! What if someone steals it? I think we should put it on top of the fridge.
Purab: The bedroom?
Nidhi: The kitchen terrace
Purab: On top of the Godrej almirah
Nidhi: Next to the blender
Purab: On the window.
Nidhi: On the bed.
(Purab smiles and takes Nidhi’s hand.)
Purab: We’ll keep it here. Right at this spot, in the middle of the room. Everyone who comes in will sit around it. As long as it’s right in front of them, it’s all they will talk about.
(Nidhi’s eyes well up. Both of them hold hands and strike the same pose they were in earlier.)
Nidhi: I love you so much.
Purab: I love you too.
Nidhi: You like bhindi right?
Purab: Yes.
Nidhi: I’ll make bhindi today.
Purab: And I’ll eat bhindi today.
(Purab starts walking towards the exit)
Nidhi: Where are you going?
Purab: To call people
Nidhi: Wait! We haven’t decided what our answer will be when people ask us why we bought it.
Purab: Oh yes! What will we say when people ask?
Nidhi: We’ll say…
Purab: …it’s an ancient artefact.
Nidhi: It’s our civilization.
Purab: It’s how we’ve domesticated millions of wild beasts, made them useful.
Nidhi: It’s a duty…it’s a religion.
Purab: Really, we’re all wild animals. We’re humans only as long as the horseshoe exists.
Nidhi: Yes. That’s what domesticated us, before anything else.
Purab: A research team has found that before anyone else lived here, horses roamed free. This country is really built by hard working horses. Then the outsiders started coming- the Aryans, the Turks, Mughals, Christians- they all brought their own horses and started calling our horses mules.
Nidhi: We have to save them. We have to save the horses. Every responsible household should adopt them. If you can’t keep one, you should at least have a small wooden model of a horse. If you can’t even do that, at the very least keep a single horsehair in your home. Even that has multiple uses.
Purab: And the horseshoe?
Nidhi: Yes. It is vital we save the horseshoe.
Purab: People talk about saving lions, saving the farmers?
Nidhi: Save Nagaland, save the trees.
Purab: Save Palestine, save Israel.
Nidhi: Save water and save the farms.
Purab: It’s all a lie. All we have to save, all we have a duty to save is the horseshoe.
It’s a sacrifice and it’s a boon- it’s our religion and it’s our god.
(Both hold each other’s hands and strike the pose.)
Nidhi: I love you so much.
Purab: I love you too.
Nidhi: You like bhindi right?
Purab: Yes.
Nidhi: I’ll make bhindi today.
Purab: And I’ll eat bhindi today.
Scene 13
Boss: Amal?
Amal: Present sir.
Boss: Vimal?
Vimal: Present sir.
Boss: Kamal?
Kamal: Present sir.
Boss: Good. Are all of you prepared?
All: Yes sir.
Boss: Amal, Vimal, Kamal?
All: (in unison) yes sir!
Boss: Where is Indrajit?
Kamal: Indrajit?
Boss: Yes yes your Indrajit- that guy who can’t stop asking questions, who needs a reason for everything. Where is he?
Amal: He became a monk years ago.
Vimal: No no, he didn’t become a monk. He was caught stealing and ran away from the village.
Kamal: No sir. Amal, Vimal and Kamal are present. Indrajit is dead.
Boss: Hmm so Indrajit became a monk, became a thief, and died. The monk and thief aren’t working- next time kill off your Indrajit. Good, Kamal.
Kamal: Thank you sir!
Boss: What will you do after you get this job?
Amal: I’ll work hard. Harder than anyone has worked before.
Vimal: Sir, I’m confident that I will deliver. I will make sure that this company…
Boss: Yes, yes got it. I’ve heard it all. I don’t want the bullshit answers, this is not a miss world competition. I want real answers.
Kamal: Sir I’ll work. I’ll work and work and work.
Boss: Oh? And how will you work?
Kamal: Sir I have never, not once in my life, said no to any work. I work like a starved man. I work without stopping because when I die I want to go to heaven.
Boss: And you plan to work up your way into heaven…?
Vimal: That’s what we’re all living for isn’t it…? Don’t you know? When everyone is in hell I’ll be in heaven. That’s what I’m collecting points for.
Boss: But how will you get to heaven by working in my company?
Vimal: Sir when I’m not working all kinds of dirty, disturbing thoughts come to me. I lose heaven points. Your company is known for brutal working hours. That’s all I want sir- back breaking work. I want you to break my back…so I can go to heaven.
Boss: Hmmm
Kamal: The way I work is quite simple sir. As soon as I get up, I put on the first pair of clothes I see. If I don’t have any, I wait till someone gives me some. That’s it- the minute I put on the clothes, I become who I need to be.
Boss: Who you need to be?
Kamal: Whoever those clothes are meant for. If someone calls me Vimal, I start working like Vimal. Sir, I can be anyone- Vimal, Kamal, Amal, you can call me anything. Whatever name you call me I will do the work it demands. Amal, Kamal, Vimal, Indrajit. Oh! Sorry. Indrajit is dead.
Boss: Hmm
Amal: Sir I am Amal.
Boss: I know, I know.
Amal: No sir. I do Amal. I can be Amal. I think the world is divided into two kinds of people- those who believe that there are two types of people and those who don’t. I believe there are two types of people- those who and those who are worked for. I am one of the workers.
Boss: How do you know?
Amal: When I was in school, studying was treated like work. I’m a labourer, sir. Whatever work comes my work isn’t just work, it’s my religion. I can give up life for it. Since childhood I’ve been trained to be a hard working labourer.
Boss: So give your life
Amal: Sir?
Boss: The company is giving you work. Your orders are to kill yourself. Will you do it?
Amal: Sorry sir!
(Vimal and Kamal laugh.)
Boss: Once upon a time, there was a shepherd. He had a lot of sheep. He used to sell their meat. Everytime he needed the money, he would pull out a sheep from the herd and in front of the others, slaughter it. Eventually, the sheep understood that one by one they would all meet the same fate. The shepherd understood that any day now all his sheep could run away. So tell me, what should the shepherd do to keep his sheep?
Amal: Like any good dictator, he will chain his sheep. And get a lot of dogs, train them to be ferocious. Whenever a sheep tries to escape, the others watch it get ripped to shreds. Sir dictatorship…it’s proven.
Vimal: No. The shepherd will make one of the sheep a god, and then tell the other sheep that their god demands a sacrifice from them. Then he will continue to slaughter the sheep one by one, and none of them will even try to escape. Sir, religion…
Kamal: No. The shepherd will start loving the sheep like they’re his children. Before slaughtering them he will say “I’m sorry, I won’t survive if I don’t do this. Please forgive me.” Sir, love…
Boss: The shepherd could have done all of those things a hundred years ago. Now, the market has changed, everything is different. All he has to do is convince each sheep that it is in fact a lion. Then he can continue slaughtering them, and every sheep will think it is safe, because it is a lion and the others were just sheep.
Amal, Vimal and Kamal: Wow sir! That’s brilliant!
Boss: Who is giving the interview, you or me?
Amal, Vimal and Kamal: Sorry sir!
Boss: If we are descendants of apes, does that mean our history is the future of apes?
Amal: Huh?
Vimal: Pass…
Kamal: Sir uhh
Boss: I want an answer. If we are descendants of apes, does that mean our history is the future of apes?
(Black out)
Scene 14
Nidhi: Did you invite everyone? Who all are coming?
Purab: I don’t know.
Nidhi: What do you mean you don’t know?
Purab: They said we don’t have a right to have that information.
Nidhi: What does that mean? Who has the right then? How am I supposed to cook if I don’t know how many people are coming- and who they are?
Purab: That’s what I said, but they said that according to page 90 rule 23(d), if you’ve enrolled for Social Communication then they decide who comes to your house, and when.
(Both strike a strange, sad pose, and an ‘ah’ escapes them at the same time. After holding it for a while, they return to their original spot.)
Nidhi: But you must know something?
Purab: Do you really want to know?
Nidhi: Yes!
Purab: The boss himself…of Circus Multinational!
Nidhi: Wow! Who else?
Purab: That’s it, that's all we have the right to know. And we can’t even tell people that the boss is actually coming to our house. Oh! I wasn’t even supposed to tell you! Please just look surprised or they’ll fine us.
(Both hold hands, strike sad pose, hold for a beat. An exclamation-’oh’ escapes them. They come back to their original positions.)
Nidhi: Why did we ever sign the Social Communications!
Purab: Come, don’t say that. You know there are many benefits to it!
Nidhi: Like what?
Purab: They’re studying our behaviour and psychology. Don’t they keep telling us what to behave like? And one of their guys handles our entire social network. Who to send a birthday wish to, when to call your mother…all of it is taken care of. Besides, every whatsapp forward, every bit of knowledge from whatsapp university is at our disposal. We know when the price of onions is going up, we know what our neighbours think of us, what everyone on the street thinks of our house, what the state thinks of our city, what the country thinks of our state, what the world thinks of our country. I keep wondering, what does Mars think of Earth?
Nidhi: Don’t think so much, they’ve specifically asked us not to think too much.
Purab: I…got carried away.
Nidhi: So did I. I love so many things about them.
Purab: Like?
Nidhi: I loved the way they explained the instalment theory. That humans love instalments- TV, fridge, car- they’re obsessed with instalments. So based on the same theory, we should receive happiness and pain in instalments. If you feel sudden joy, don’t give in to it too completely or for too long. Definitely not for over a minute. Keep that happiness and ration it, divide it up and it will last you weeks, months. Do the same thing with pain, and you’ll never feel the magnitude of it.
Purab: It really works. I mean, when was the last time we cried?
Nidhi: I don’t even remember the last time I cried! Listen, come here.
Purab: What happened?
Nidhi: Just come here.
Purab: Listen…
Nidhi: Please! Just come here for a second.
Purab: Wait! We have to stay happy!
Nidhi: Please.
(Hold hands, strike a pose, exclaim ‘oh’)
Nidhi: Did you notice the way I’ve decorated the house? Doesn’t it look lovely?
Purab: It’s very good.
(Purab has gone very quiet. He sits down. Nidhi starts humming a lullaby.)
(Black out.)
Scene 15
Arun: I’ve got it. I know why you’re not sitting with me. It’s because of the squirrel isn’t it?
(Shashi doesn’t reply.)
Arun: So I didn’t get the right answer. That’s no reason to go and sulk like that.
Shashi: It’s not about right or wrong answers. You didn’t understand anything did you?
Arun: No no I understood. It was about the squirrel thing wasn’t it? I can’t remember what it was exactly, but I understood it.
Shashi: Stand up, come with me.
Arun: Where?
Shashi: Just get up. We were walking around that evening, when I saw a squirrel.
Arun: Yes, it skipped over to you and stopped right at your feet. Just stood there staring at you. See? I remember all of it. And then, let’s se- aha! You asked me something about squirrels.
Shashi: Do you know why squirrels have three stripes on their back?
Arun: Yes, and I’d said that I didn’t know, even though I did. You see…
Shashi: The story is that one day lord Ram found an injured squirrel in the forest. He stroked his fingers across its back and it recovered completely, and since then, all squirrels carry the trace of his fingers on their back.
Arun: That’s so beautiful.
Shashi: But do the squirrels know? That they carry the mark of a god on their backs?
Arun: Don’t be silly. This isn’t a story about squirrels, it’s a story about Ram.
Shashi: You’re right. The squirrels just happen to be in it, the story is always about Ram.
Arun: That can’t be right. The squirrel must have some story of its own.
Shashi: Well maybe. Doesn’t matter. Have you ever seen my back?
Arun: Your back?
Shashi: Have you? Please, for me, will you take a look?
Arun: What are you doing? People are watching!
Shashi: I’m serious. Look carefully. Do you see the marks?
Arun: There are no marks here.
Shashi: You don’t see any marks on my back?
Arun: There’s nothing here.
Shashi: Well that’s surprising! Really, you don’t see anything?
(Arun stays silent.)
Shashi: How is Bani these days?
Arun: Huh?
Shashi: Your wife, Bani, how is she doing?
Arun: Just go sit where you were sitting. I don’t want to talk to you.
Shashi: What’s wrong? You know Ram’s story by heart, don’t you want to listen to the squirrel’s?
Arun: No I don’t.
Shashi: You want to go to the village with me but you’ll stay with Bani in the city?
(Arun gets up to go back to his seat but Shashi pulls him back into the seat beside her.)
Shashi: The joys of home, they’re important. Don’t you dare disturb them. The truths, they’re there too of course. Like termites in the woodwork of a house. Everyone knows they’re there but…you can let them be. If they’re hidden behind the bright walls of joy, if they’re hiding in corners nobody ever sweeps properly, let them stay hidden. Otherwise, they’ll listen to Ram’s story and demand to hear the squirrels. And this will not go down well with the Ram bhakts.
Scene 16
Boss: Who came up with the ‘theory of the boat?’
Amal: Albert Einstein.
Vimal: Charlie Chaplin!
Kamal: Pass sir.
Boss: I did. That’s why I’m the boss of this company, and our logo is a boat.
Amal: Sir, what is this theory?
Boss: Good! According to this theory, one day, there will be a flood and wipe everyone out. The only people who will survive are the people who have a boat. Our company spread the fear of the flood, made sure that building boats became part of people’s everyday life, and look how far we’ve come. ‘There will be a flood’ used to be my personal, everyday terror, and I turned it into massive profits for this company. Now we’re looking for an employee with a new theory. Someone who will bring in a new fear, give us a new logo…
Amal: Sir, sir! The future you see is the future you get.
Vimal: The best way to predict your future is to create it.
Kamal: Tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.
Amal: The past can’t see you, but the future is listening.
Vimal: Sir, sir! The future is much like the present, only longer.
Kamal: I never think of the future, it comes soon enough.
Amal: I have seen the future and it doesn’t work.
Vimal: The future will be better tomorrow.
Kamal: The future isn’t what it used to be.
Boss: Shut up, shut up, shut up! I don’t want the bullshit you’ve learnt by heart. Tell me your fears, your personal everyday fears. The fear of an individual, of a singular person- that is the most powerful thing there is. That’s the fuel this company runs on. Come on, start now…
Vimal: Sir, I don’t want to be like the grasshopper. It runs around having the time of its life the whole summer, only to die at the first touch of snow. I want to be like its friend, the ant. Working year round, every year, for the rest of my life. I don’t- I don’t want to starve to death. Sir, theory- grasshopper. Logo- ant.
Amal: Sir, I’m afraid that one day, all these terrifying people- I mean the poor people, the ones who live on the streets, in huts, under flyovers, will come into our homes. They will look for chapatis, but there are too many of them. We won’t have enough. So to save ourselves we will start making chapatis. We will cook day and night, but their hunger is generations old, we will never make enough. Sir, I can’t cook, I don’t know how to make chapatis. I don’t want to spend my life making chapatis. Sir, theory- chapati, logo- chakla-belan.
Kamal: Sir, I am not afraid of dying. But I am afraid of dying first. I want to die at the end, after everyone. I want to win, to outlast everybody and then die. And before dying, I want to laugh. The laugh of having won. I want to laugh the laugh of having outlived everyone. And another thing- when I die I want everything to be full. My house full of rooms, my rooms full of stuff, my fridge stuffed with fruits and vegetables. My T.V should have every channel in the world, my bank full of money and my stomach filled to the brim with food. I don’t want to die; I want to burst. I want to have so much that at the end I don’t die, I burst. Sir, theory- victory, logo- bomb.
Boss: Good! Amal, you bloody marxist- out!
Amal: But sir, that's just my fear!
Boss: I said get out!
(Exit Amal)
Boss: Now for the final round. Whichever one of you is left at the end gets the job. Are you ready?
Vimal: Yes sir!
Kamal: Yes sir!
Scene 17
(Nidhi starts laughing, and Purab, who is sitting next to her, tries to join in. Nidhi listens as if she’s listening to someone say something very serious, then starts laughing again.)
Nidhi: Here, have some more (Passes him some snack they are having)
Purab: No, no. We’re laughing too much.
Nidhi: At least it’s not too less. A little bit over is ok. Last time I could barely get a laugh out, everyone must have thought I’m a complete idiot, didn’t get a simple joke. And you are no help, why don’t you do the talking every once in a while? I can’t do all of it you know.
Purab: I talk too.
(Purab looks like he’s struggling with something, he tries to say something, but all he manages is an anxious smile.)
Purab: Here, take some (Passes the snack)
(Goes silent again. Nidhi turns to face him properly but he looks down)
Purab: I want to run away, far, far away. I want to run like a madman. Tearing through the crowd, covered in sweat, I want to run and keep running. Without stopping, I want to leap off a mountain top. I know I won’t be able to fly, but I want to enjoy, but the split second of the illusion of flying, right before dying- I want the freedom to enjoy that.
(Nidhi laughs, Purab finally looks up.)
Nidhi: What’s all this?
Purab: What do you think?
Nidhi: What kind of joke was that? Thank god we’re practising. What’s wrong with you?
Purab: Nothing, I’ll be fine in a minute.
(Purab is trying to control himself, and suddenly grows loud. Nidhi panics and doesn’t know what to do.)
Nidhi: Listen, let’s cancel dinner, they’ll fine us again.
Purab: We are not cancelling dinner.
Nidhi: We are cancelling dinner.
Purab: We are not cancelling dinner.
Nidhi: We are cancelling dinner. We are cancelling dinner.
Purab: We are not cancelling dinner. I will tell a joke!
(Purab screams the last line, and Nidhi visibly brightens.)
Nidhi: Oh yes, tell that one…you know the one with the mouse and the elephant you tell that so well. Come on, tell me.
Purab: Ah yes I remember. A girl goes up to her boss and says “boss, boss, I really need five hundred rupees. I’ll give it to you tomorrow.” The boss says- “Here, take a thousand and give it to me today!”
(Purab tries to laugh, Nidhi is silent)
Nishi: That’s disgusting…
(Black out)
Scene 18
(Joker knocks loudly several time. Enters after a beat.)
Joker: Sorry, I thought the door would open the other way. Shashi! Shashi!
(The joker, who is female, continues to call Shashi.)
Arun: Oh shit! That’s Bani! What is she doing here?
Shashi: Bani! Hi! Over here, yeah Arun is here!
(Bani slowly walks towards them, Arun stands up.)
Arun: Shhhhhh! What are you doing? Get down! (Shashi sits down and now all three of them are sitting together.) (To Bani-) sit, sit! I came to watch this play, and I saw that Shashi was also here, so we thought we might as well watch it together.
(Beat of silence)
Bani: I thought you said you had some work.
Arun: Oh yes, that didn’t end up happening.
Shashi: That’s a lie!
Bani: Lie?
Shashi: Yes, a lie!
Bani: Are you lying to me?
Arun: No, no.
Bani: Shashi, how come you didn’t tell me Arun was coming?
Arun: So you called Bani?
Shashi: He bought tickets for himself and for me. I bought yours.
Bani: Is she telling the truth?
Arun: She’s lying!
Shashi: I’m not.
Arun: She’s lying!
Shashi: I’m not.
Bani: What? Is it a lie?
Arun: Yes! I’ll swear on anything you want me to- I did not lie to you.
(Bani and Shashi start laughing)
Arun: I wouldn’t lie if I’ve sworn on something!
(Both laugh even louder)
Arun: Fine! I swear on your life!
(Both instantly stop laughing, and start running away from him. For the first time, both of them are on the stage. Arun starts crying. All three of them start acting like children and start playing a strange game.)
Bani: We don’t want to play with you anymore.
Shashi: Liar! Liar! Liar!
(Both of them start playing something while Arun cries in a corner. After a while, they go up to him. All three have become completely childlike by this point, and start playing together)
Shashi: Fine, you can play. But no cheating from now on!
Arun: No cheating! I promise!
Bani: More promises?
Shashi: Let’s play doctor-doctor.
Bani: Ok but there’s too much light here. Let’s go to the back.
(They retreat to the back a little, the stage is darkened)
Shashi: I’ll go first.
Bani: No, you went first last time. It’s my turn.
Shashi: No, I’m going first! Doctor? Can I come in? It’s hurting a lot!
Bani: You go first every time! It’s not fair. I’ll tell your mother that both of you play doctor-doctor in the dark.
Arun: Oh no, looks like you have a very serious illness. I’ll have to give you an injection. Take off your clothes!
Shashi: Eww
Arun: What eww? I can’t give you the injection if you don’t take off your clothes?
Shashi: Oh! Ok them, give me the injection.
Bani: I’m going home, and I’m going to tell mummy.
Shashi: Ok fine, wait. Let’s play office-office, and you can be the wife, happy?
Bani: Who will you be?
Shashi: I’ll be the secretary.
Bani: Oh great, so you get to be the patient there and the secretary here? How is that fair?
Shashi: Fine, fine you can be the secretary and I’ll be the wife. Ok?
Bani: No. I’ll be the wife, and there’s no office. There’s a break, three-four Sundays have come together.
Arun: Wait! Everyone has to swear that nobody will tell anyone about this game who can come and ruin it.
Shashi: We swear!
Bani: We swear!
Arun: We swear!
Scene 19
(Kamal and Vimal need to be playing any game that completely exhausts them by the end. So much so that they can barely move by the end.)
There are two bags of raw rice and dal mixed together, one bag next to each of them. They also have a transparent bag next to each of them. They are sorting the rice from the dal and putting it into the transparent bag. Vimal is putting dal in his, and Kamal rice in his. They sort five grains and then put them in the transparent bag. Once it has enough, both of them take each other’s bags and hand it to the members of the audience sitting the farthest from the stage. Now, every five grains they sort, they have to run to the back to keep it in the bag. This running around continues till they are absolutely exhausted and barely able to drag themselves. This game can also be going on while previous scenes are taking place.
Scene 20
(Nidhi is scared and cowering in a corner, while Purab circles the room like a madman.)
Purab: Ha ha ha…just give it to me now…hahaha….just give it to me now…hahaha….No, no sorry! This was terrible!
Nidhi: What has gotten into you? Do you understand what a joke is?
Purab: A joke is something that can be told socially to everyone’s enjoyment. To everyone’s enjoyment. To everyone’s enjoyment.
Nidhi: Right, just leave it for now ok? We’re cancelling dinner tonight.
Purab: We are not cancelling dinner.
Nidhi: I’m scared! I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m so, so scared!
Purab: I lost. I couldn’t tell a joke. (starts crying) Wait, wait! I may not be able to tell jokes, but I can dance can’t I? I used to be an amazing dancer as a kid!
Nidhi: You don’t know how to dance. What are you talking about?
(Purab starts dancing slowly, and starts addressing imaginary guests)
Purab: Are you enjoying yourself? And you, are you having fun? Look at this, look at this…
Nidhi: You don’t know how to dance. You don’t know how to dance. You don’t know how to dance. You don’t know how to dance. You don’t know how to dance.
Scene 21
(All three are walking very fast and talking at the same time, without pausing)
Arun: The man comes back exhausted from the office and his wife immediately starts complaining about everything wrong at home. He is sick of his wife.
Bani: But deep inside he knows he loves his wife, and he still wants her. He has a couple of days off from work, and his wife is about to show him what love is. Seductively, with all her gathered up youth shining in her eyes, she walks up to his room.
Arun: The husband is asleep.
Shashi: Suddenly, the doorbell rings.
Arun: He sits up in bed.
Bani: The wife pushes him gently back on the bed.
Shashi: The doorbell rings again.
Arun: This time the husband gets up in annoyance and goes towards the door.
Bani: But before he can get there his wife pulls him back.
Arun: He gives his wife a tight slap, and she understands that the fault is hers.
Bani: She still doesn’t let him open the door.
Arun: He slaps her again.
Shashi: That’s when the secretary remembers she has a duplicate key already.
Bani: That’s a lie.
Arun: No, I had given her a key myself.
Shashi: She slowly pushes open the door. She has played this game before.
Arun: The husband welcomes her by hugging her tight.
Bani: No that’s a lie
Shashi: It’s the truth.
Arun: It really is true.
Shashi: No, it’s a lie.
Bani: It’s a lie right?
Shashi: No.
Arun: All of it is true.
Bani: This game isn’t real.
Shashi: It’s real, and it’s true.
Arun: It was a lie.
Bani: It was true.
Arun: It was a lie.
Shashi: It was true.
Bani: Lie, lie, lie.
Arun: It’s true.
Shashi: That’s a lie. It’s true.
Arun: And truth.
Bani: The game.
Shashi: It’s true.
Arun: It’s a lie.
Bani: It’s true.
(The chant of ‘true’ and ‘lie’ keeps growing with the tempo of Purab’s dance. Kamal and Vimal are about to collapse from their running around. It all ends at a fever pitch on a screech.)
Scene 22
Final dinner…
(Everyone has come for dinner at Nidhi and Purab’s. Only their faces are distinct- they are all wearing identical clothes. The boss is sitting at the head of the table. Everyone else is sitting down and silent. Suddenly, everyone notices a new character- Indrajit. Everyone gets scared. They start whispering in panicked voices. Eventually the boss asks-)
Boss: Who are you?
Indrajit: I am Indrajit.
Boss: That’s impossible! Indrajit was killed by our company a long time ago. You’re lying.
Indrajit: No. I am Indrajit. And you know I can’t lie.
Boss: Yes, Indrajit never lies.
Vimal: Didn’t I tell you sir, Indrajit never died. He just ran away from the village. And now he’s come back.
Amal: No, no, he had become a monk. He must have completed his journey, and decided to come back.
Kamal: Sir, he’s lying. We all killed Indrajit together. Everyone knows that.
Boss: Shut up, shut up!
Arun: Arrey! What are all of you talking about? Indrajit was my classmate in college. He was completely mad.
Nidhi: Yes, yes I knew him too. He was last seen running into the forest with a gun.
Purab: You’re all wrong. He used to do street theatre. During a production, one of the political parties had him killed right in front of our eyes.
Shashi: No, I’ve heard he lives in Raipur, and writes books that nobody ever reads.
Arun: No, he changed his name to Daya Bai.
Boss: If he is Indrajit, then why has he come here?
Purab: Yes, what does he have to do here?
Shashi: He has come to scare us.
Nidhi: I think he’s here representing some company.
Amal: He’s probably on a campaign.
Kamal: Has he joined a company too?
Vimal: All of us are representing some company or the other.
Purab: He’s standing alone.
Shashi: I want to leave.
Nidhi: Wait, I’ll come with you.
Amal: Don’t leave me alone.
Arun: Arrey someone at least ask him what he’s here for!
Boss: Listen here, whoever you are…
Purab: Just call him Indrajit.
Kamal: A and Indrajit.
Indrajit: I am not A and Indrajit. I am Amal, Vimal, Kamal and Indrajit.
Shashi: Whatever it is, why are you here?
Nidhi: Yes, why are you here?
Arun: Did someone invite you?
Amal: I didn’t invite him.
Vimal: Me neither.
Indrajit: We like nature.
Kamal: What? What?
Indrajit: Do we like nature?
Purab: Yes we like nature. We have a bird caged up here somewhere.
Nidhi: Yes, and a flower in a flowerpot.
Indrajit: We should be happy.
Arun: Absolutely! We should stay happy. When we do it people can hear in the street outside. Am I right Bani?
Bani: Yes, yes.
Indrajit: But nobody is fighting for sadness, for pain. For crying!
Bani: Yes that happens too sometimes. But fighting, and pain, and crying, they only exist so that happiness can be defined and achieved. Right?
Shashi: Yes exactly, to achieve happiness.
Vimal: Yes, we’re quite happy here.
Kamal: Our parents are proud of us.
Arun: The parents are hanging around because we have to respect our elders, yeah they’re living in the corners of our houses.
Shashi: And we keep those corners spotlessly clean.
Boss: We love animals.
Nidhi: Yes we have dogs and cats in out homes don’t we?
Purab: Yes, that cower and flinch in fear while roaming the city.
Indrajit: And we love each other.
Boss: Yes, we’re human beings. We were born to love each other.
Shashi: We have entire festivals celebrating our love for each other.
Indrajit: But human beings have killed other human beings.
Bani: Yes…that happens once in a while. That’s why we have the festivals, to celebrate loudly so that the voices reminding us that humans have heard humans aren’t heard over the din.
Indrajit: We need each other.
Arun: Oh yes, we play plenty of games like that.
Amal: Cops and Robbers.
Vimal: Brother-sister, home-sitting.
Kamal: Office-office.
(Everybody agrees enthusiastically with every point. Indrajit starts laughing. Everyone goes silent.)
Indrajit: What a beautiful system. But in the middle of all this, our nails still grow, what have you done about that?
Boss: For that we have religion, the message of peace etc etc.
Indrajit: Sure, those work as the prison guards of the dark cave you’ve shoved it in. The day the birds of ‘we love nature’ get killed by the cat from ‘we love animals’, the animal of ‘our nails keep growing’ breaks out of his cave and kills the cat. The parents from ‘respecting our elders’ watch quietly. And the cage of ‘we love nature’ in our houses becomes empty forever. Zero!
(Everyone advances to kill Indrajit. He closes his eyes, and at the same moment, black out.)
The end
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