PARK
Written by – Manav kaul
Translation by- VANYA SINGH
(Uday’s voice is heard in the dark. He is trying to connect with someone on the phone, and the signal is terrible. We hear him moving around, and the lights come on. On the stage are three identical park benches. It is a hot day and the sun is harsh. Uday is trying to find some shade as well as a good signal, and we see him move around trying to find this spot.)
Uday: Hello…hello- can you hear me? I’m in the park- how long will you take? Hello- your voice is breaking- hello! Yes I can hear you now. You told me to not come to the clinic so I’m waiting here. What do you mean- you’re my doctor, you have to come! No, I can't explain on the phone! Ok- no don’t go- fine, listen to me. I just went to the temple and as soon as I looked at the idol I could feel myself getting feverish. I felt sorry for it! In a desperate kind of way…the little stone statue in that suffocating crowd. All these people, pouring oil on it, leaving money, asking for a thousand different things and demanding a thousand different miracles…it made me feel funny inside. It was like it was looking at me, directly, and telling me it’s just as helpless as anyone else. That it can’t change anything but it can’t run away either. I was terrified. I was running down the stairs when- hello…hello…hello! Yes, can you hear me? Please come. Why not? I pay you a consultation fee…no I know it’s not about money but- please. I’ve come all the way in this heat and you’re saying you won’t even come to see me? You have to. ‘Or else’? Or else…I’ll sit here till you come. All day, all month, for the rest of my life if I have to. I am not leaving this park without meeting you- hello? Hello!
(The signal is lost. Uday flings his bag down in frustration, then picks it up and dusts it. Absent-mindedly sits on a bench and gets up immediately- it is in the sun and burning hot. The edge of the first bench is in the shade, so he goes and sits there. Checks his phone- there’s no signal- and puts it back in his bag. He takes out a cigarette, but can’t find his matchbox. Naresh enters. He is a slightly older man, and is walking fast. He sees Uday sitting in the shade and is visibly disappointed. He comes closer, looking at Uday. Uday looks up and sees him. Naresh gestures, asking- ‘are you sitting there?’. Uday doesn’t understand and gestures back- ‘what? Yes, it is very hot today.’ Naresh tries again but Uday doesn’t understand. Finally he says in a small, defeated voice-
Naresh: Are you sitting there?
Uday: I mean…yes.
Naresh: Will you be sitting here?
Uday: …yes.
Naresh: Ok would you mind sitting over there?
Uday: Why?
Naresh: I want to sleep.
Uday: So I should go sit in the sun?
Naresh: Don’t be unreasonable, the shade will shift soon anyway. It’s just a matter of a couple of minutes. Half an hour at worst.
Uday: Why don’t you go sleep there then, if it’s just a couple of minutes.
Naresh: Oh come on now, what's the big deal? I’ve stuffed myself today, there’s so much food in me that if I don’t sleep now I will throw up.
Uday: Go ahead
Naresh: I can’t throw up here!
Uday: Why not?
Naresh: It’s against the law in a park.
Uday: Really? That’s outrageous. If a man doesn’t have the right to throw up then what right does he have?
Naresh: Yes, I’d love to hear the lecture on rights after I’ve vomited on you.
Uday: Are you threatening me?
Naresh: Arrey no baba I’m not threatening you. I’m just saying- look at that I’ve started sweating now!
Uday: So?
Naresh: So my ears will start turning red soon- and then we’ve had it. If I try to stop myself then, my eyes will start watering. Once that happens, you can get ready for a proper disaster. I lose all control.
(Naresh looks like he’s about to throw up on Uday, who hurriedly gets up)
Uday: What’s wrong with you?
Naresh: Phew that was close. You can relax now, the danger has passed.
(Naresh is now sitting in the spot with shade, and Uday is standing. He is extremely irritated, and sits down next to Naresh, almost sticking to him)
Uday: Fine, sit here. I’ll move when the shade does.
Naresh: Thank you.
(Naresh keeps dozing off and is inching closer to Uday’s shoulder. Uday keeps pushing him away.)
Uday: What are you doing? Sit up straight.
Naresh: I’ve told you, I’m in condition to sit up right now. I need to lie down.
Uday: It really won’t kill you to sit for a while.
Naresh: No listen- I’ve eaten more than I have in years. Please, you’ve got to understand.
Uday: I don’t care.
Naresh: Please?
Uday: Stop- get off- arrey will you sleep on me now?
Naresh: If I sit up any longer I will throw up, and where you’re sitting right now- well let’s just say you won’t be fit to sit anywhere after that.
(Naresh lies down, forcing Uday off the bench in the process. Uday angrily tries to take his spot back, but Naresh is now lying down, occupying the entire bench.)
Uday: Fine- fine! You can die here!
Naresh: Thank you.
(Uday goes and sits on the third bench- not the middle one. He takes out a book and tries to shield himself from the sun. He takes out the cigarette he had been trying to light before Naresh entered, and starts looking for matches again. He still can’t find them.)
Uday: Do you have matches?
Naresh (almost asleep): Yes
Uday: M-a-t-c-h-e-s. Do you have matches?
Naresh: It’s illegal to smoke in the park.
Uday: Where is it written? I don’t see a sign.
Naresh: It’s illegal to put up signs.
Uday: Do you come here to sleep every day?
(Naresh yawns)
Uday: You look like you’ve spent half your life napping. Must be a government worker. Am I right? A stubborn, rude, lazy government worker?
Naresh: I am asleep.
Uday: You know, if I go over to your office and complain, you’d be fired right now.
Naresh: You are threatening me in a dream. There’s no point, I’m already asleep.
(Uday shuts up, annoyed. After a while, the sun abates, and all three benches are in the shade now. Uday takes the book off from his head, and starts reading it. Madan enters. He sees Uday sitting and looks upset. He roams around for a bit and then comes to stand directly behind Uday, who ignores him. He leans over Uday’s shoulder trying to look at something beyond the park, but Uday turns around and glares at him. Madan retreats towards the middle bench.)
Madan: I’ve been coming to this park for years. And for years before that, I would walk past it every morning. Every single morning, and I never went inside! This park taught me about enjoying the way. I come every day now. It’s peaceful. Nice place, don’t you think? Don’t you? Well you can’t really appreciate it if you’re just sitting there. Take a walk, you’ll see. Excellent park this, really lovely. Go that side, it’s a great walk. Rabbits, deer, the whole shebang.
Uday: Yes I know.
Madan: Oh so you’ve already seen that side? No wonder you look so grumpy. This bit of the park is the best, I’ve always said. Who cares about rabbits and deer? And really useless deer too. All they do is chew on the grass. Never seen one jump around like they’re supposed to. More like cows than deer. No- not even cows. Calves. You know like the sad lost ones on the streets? You must have seen those right?
Uday: Yes.
Madan: Yes, well, exactly like that. And the rabbits! Dear God, don't talk to me about rabbits.
Uday: They must look like rats to you.
Madan: No no, the rabbits look like rabbits. But you know, how long can one sit and stare at rabbits? I mean, it’s not like they’re monkeys- they won’t dance around for you. A rabbit is a rabbit and what a rabbit is is boring. Now I’ve always said every good park needs some monkeys. What do you think? That’s a good idea isn’t it, monkeys?
Uday: Oh absolutely! Monkeys are excellent. It’s important to keep these monkeys caged though, otherwise they tend to make life hell for people trying to enjoy the quiet.
Madan: Of course, of course- you can’t let animals loose in the park. I mean even the deer…are you calling me a monkey? How dare you? Do you have any idea who you’re talking to? I teach science and music in the school next door. I’m a teacher, a well respected, hard working teacher at that and you-! How dare- how old are you anyway? Here I am, trying to talk to you because you looked upset, and this is how you treat me? You- I can get you thrown out of this park right now. You absolute- is anyone there?! Hello?!
Naresh: Oi- who’s yelling? Shut up! Stop that right now! Can’t you see people are trying to sleep here?
Madan: Oh I’m so sorry. I had no choice, he called me a monkey…
Naresh: Are you a monkey?
Madan: No!
Naresh: Then why are you yelling about it?
Madan: Arrey but-
Naresh: Ok wait, let me say it. Monkey…monkey…
Madan: You?
Naresh: There, you aren’t one. Case closed. Now shut up and let me sleep.
(Madan calms down a bit. He glances at his watch, and then sits quietly on the middle bench. As soon as he sits he sees Uday, and starts getting angry again.)
Madan: (To Naresh) It’s a good thing you intervened, who knows what I may have done…You know they used to have a rule in this park. No young people allowed in the afternoons. Sensible, don’t you think?
Naresh: I’m already asleep.
Madan: I come here for some peace and quiet, myself.
Uday: I’m sorry.
Madan: What?
Uday: Sorry! That was rude of me, it just slipped out.
Madan: (To Naresh) Hear that? He’s apologising. It’s ok son, forgive and forget, I’ve always said. By the way, you know, you’re sitting in the best spot in the park.
Uday: There are literally just three benches in this place- and they’re all right here. What’s so special about this spot?
Madan: Oh the view is slightly better from where you’re sitting?
Uday: View? There’s a big ugly building right in front. You call this a view?
Madan: That’s what I’m saying! The building is right in front of my bench. Yours is a little to the side.
Uday: The only extra thing I see is a balcony from the building behind this one. What’s the bloody difference?
Madan: The difference is in the amount of sky. You see more sky than I do.
Uday: I don’t care about the sky.
Madan: Really? Then why don’t you come sit here? I really care about the sky. (Gets up and comes towards him)
Uday: (Angrily) I’m not going anywhere! What the hell is up with you people? Everyone who turns up wants me to switch places. I’m not getting up. Go back to your seat.
Madan: (Goes back to his bench…speaks after a period of silence) You’re the one who said you’re not interested in the sky.
Uday: I’m not. But I am very interested in sitting here, so would you stop trying to make me move!
(Silence)
Madan: You know, that’s my spot.
Uday: Oh? Is your name written here somewhere?
Madan: What kind of argument is that? When you were in school, did you go and sit at the teacher’s desk? No? Did that have her name on it?
Uday: What kind of argument is that?
Madan: Which school were you the bane of? It’s called an example.
Uday: Yeah, it’s a shit example! How are parks and classrooms related?
Madan: Well if that’s how you want to play it, fine. What’s your relationship with this town?
Uday: What?
Madan: Were you born here?
Uday: No-
Madan: Then I have more of a right over that bench than you do. I’m born and raised here.
Uday: In that case, I was born in this country. As citizens of the same country, we have equal rights over this bench.
Madan: I’m older, I was here first.
Uday: I’m Hindu- beat that.
Madan: I’m a Brahman! And a member of Akhil Bhartiya Vidyarthi Parishad! Are you done yet?
Uday: So now I’m to be persecuted for being a lesser Hindu? Is that how it is?
Madan: This is Gandhi park, and the man who funded these benches was a Kelkar…Pandit Hari Kelkar.
Uday: So?
Madan: I’m Usgaonkar.
Uday: Mi punyaat shiklo ahe. Mala Marathi yete. (I grew up in Pune, I speak Marathi)
Madan: What?
Uday: Kaay zala? Tula Marathi yet naahi ka? Hahaha…(What happened? Don’t you speak Marathi?) Usgaonkar, Tendulkar…you’ve got nerve, starting this argument when you can’t even speak Marathi!
Madan: Arrey, my mother isn’t Marathi. My father was, but he passed away when I was really young. Just because I don’t know the language doesn’t mean I’m not Marathi! I am Marathi, and I have a right to this bench!
Uday: Kaay karayche ahe te kar, mi inkdoon uthnaar naahi. (Do what you want, I’m not getting up now.)
Madan: What?
Uday: I. Am. Not. Getting. Up.
(Madan stays silent for a bit, but then can’t help himself)
Madan: When you arrived, both benches were unoccupied right?
Uday: All three were.
Madan: So you came here before him?
Uday: Yes. And I’m not moving from here now.
Madan: You’ll stay there?
Uday: Right here.
Madan: I’ve studied human psychology. Everyone, under normal circumstances, prefers sitting in the middle. But you chose the corner. What does that tell us?
Uday: That I’m completely insane.
Madan: No, it means you’re afraid. You’re scared of someone…something catching you. That’s why you’re sitting there, ready to flee.
Uday: Shut up!
Madan: (Smug) I’m a science teacher, but psychology is a hobby of mine. Got you didn’t I, kid?
Uday: Kid?
Madan: Oh you know what I mean. The point is I got you. Be sensible now, and switch seats.
Uday: What do you mean you got me?? You can sit there spouting nonsense all day long; and I’m just supposed to believe it?
Madan: Are you doubting my hobby?
Uday: You believe what you want to, I’m not budging from here.
Madan: Ok listen to this. You’re new here, this is your first time here, and you’re from a different city- are all three of these statements correct?
Uday: That’s one statement.
Madan: Patience, patience. I see you’re a smart one, not so easy to catch you out. Hmm I think I understand now. You’re bored with your life. You want to run away, you want a fresh start. A new place and a new life, where you can run around like a child, forget about the world. Am I right?
Uday: Bullshit.
Madan: You’re incurably stubborn, and it’s ruined your life. It’s the same stubbornness that won’t let you give up that bench…tell me, am I right?
Uday: Bullshit!
Madan: You think God has been unjust to you. That’s why you go to temples and think about sex, just to mess with him- for some small, petty revenge.
Uday: What?
Madan: Have you come here to kill yourself? You have a terminal illness? You like eating live cockroaches. You’re in love and completely heartbroken? Just…just…
Uday: Done? Satisfied?
Madan: Ugh why are you murdering my hobby? Come on, I must have gotten one thing right, right? At least one?
Uday: Well you got one.
Madan: Hahaha! (lets out a long, cooling breath) which one?
Uday: That one…I mean it’s only half right.
Madan: What do you mean half-right? How can something be half-right?
Uday: It’s half right, half wrong.
Madan: Which one? Is it the God one?
Uday: No no…that one
Madan: About the cockroach?
Uday: Arrey no…the other one
Madan: Suicide?
Uday: No! Uff what did you say after the God and cockroach stuff?
Madan: Which one?
Naresh: Which one? Which one? For the love of God, which one?? I’m begging you, tell him and shut up! I haven’t slept wink with all your incessant nonsense. Please, tell him, which one??
Uday: I…have an illness.
Madan: But?
Naresh: (To Madan) There, he’s sick, he told you. Is everyone satisfied now? Case closed. Now both you shut up, not a single word. I’m going to sleep.
(After a while)
Madan: An illness that can’t be cured?
Uday: No, that’s why I said you’re half right. A cure may be possible.
Madan: What do you have?
(Naresh gets up, laughing from exasperation)
Madan: Why did you get up now?
Naresh: What the hell do you have? Tell him fast and then stop talking.
Uday: It’s a mental illness.
Madan: Oh so-
Naresh: Ok that’s enough now! There’s something wrong with his head. One more question out of you and my head will explode. Got it?
Madan: Yes.
(Naresh goes back to sleep. Everyone stays silent for a bit, then Madan gestures at Uday, silently asking- ‘which one?’ Uday points at Naresh, indicating that if he wakes up now it’ll be ugly. He tells him to gesture. They both try to hold a conversation miming and gesturing, but Madan misunderstands what Uday is trying to say. Finally, Uday gets exasperated and says-)
Uday: I think I’m a genius.
(Naresh gets up. Madan freezes and Uday pretends to read his book.)
Naresh: Alright, alright I see how it is. I’m not going to get any sleep till you’ve got the full story. Ok. Tell him the entire story, quickly, and don’t you dare leave anything out.
Uday: I’m done, I’m done.
Naresh: You told him you're a genius. Pray tell, what on earth gave you that impression?
Uday: Nothing. I haven't done anything to prove that I’m a genius. I’m saying it’s an illness, and I have it. The treatment is going on right now.
Madan: (To Naresh) Can I ask a question?
Naresh: Ask away.
Madan: There must be a reason you’re convinced you’re a genius. Something must have happened.
Uday: Yes…I get feverish…sometimes my entire body feels icy cold…and sometimes I can see things that aren’t really there- with perfect clarity.
Madan: You mean you’re phantasmagoric?
Naresh: Huh?
Madan: It means hallucinations.
Naresh: Oh ok. So when did this start?
Uday: That’s a good question…when did it start? I think it started the day I had to take my mother to the hospital. Her condition worsened suddenly, and that day, riots broke out all over the city. We were on the way when it happened, so I took her to a tiny shop- a cobbler’s, and we hid there. The hospital was right in front of us but I couldn’t cross the street. I found out later that that area was one of the worst affected. We were there for days. One night, I peeked out of a little hole in one of the tin walls. I saw people killing other people, butchering them. That was the first time I got that strange fever, and my entire body felt doused in ice. I suddenly noticed that everyone on the street- they were all just children. Little kids. Any moment now their parents would emerge and scold them, tell them it’s late, that playtime is over and it’s time for bed. And everyone would stop playing. All of them- the ones who were killing and the ones who were killed, they would get up- wave goodbye and go home.
Naresh: And this made you think you’re a genius?
Uday: No! I had gone to a doctor, long ago, and he had asked me that question. ‘Do you think you’re a genius?’ It made me think. That’s when I realised that that was what my problem was. I’ve been getting treated for it ever since.
Naresh: Has the treatment helped?
Uday: It did…but recently, something happened at the temple that scared me.
Madan: What temple? What happened at the temple?
Naresh: Why don’t you just tell us everything at once and save us the trouble?
Uday: I have. That’s all I want to say.
Madan: But what about the temple incident?
Naresh: Sure, sure. This is your full story. For heaven’s sake, if someone asks you what your name is, what should your answer be? ‘My name is xyz’. Done! It’s a neat answer, everyone can move on. But what do you do? You say ‘My name is xyz, but…’ arrey! What is that ‘but’ supposed to mean?
Uday: But it’s been a long, long time since I’ve talked about this to anyone apart from my doctor, and it feels good.
(Naresh looks at his watch and gets upset. He tries to go back to sleep.)
Naresh: Your discussion isn’t letting me sleep, and it’s essential for me to get some sleep right now.
Madan: If it’s that essential why don’t you go that side- behind the benches?
Naresh: Behind the benches? With all the deer and rabbits? You want me to crouch amongst those ghastly children’s swings and slides for a well earned nap? Listen, I need to sleep, and I will be sleeping right here. If you want to continue your nonsensical discussion, feel free to take it that side. If you want to stay here, for the last time Shut. Up. I’m sleeping.
(Naresh goes back to sleep. Madan stays silent for a while.)
Madan: I myself have no interest in this conversation. I just want my spot, but Mr. Genius has decided to stick to it.
Uday: Why do you want this seat so badly?
Madan: I can’t tell you.
Uday: And you think I’m crazy? I think he’s the crazy one. You need treatment. What do you say? (To Naresh)
Madan: Why are you dragging him into this? This is between us. Let the man sleep.
Uday: Oh wow! So you want me to just quietly give you the seat? I say we let him decide.
Madan: Fine, whatever he decides we accept, alright?
Uday: So…what do you say? Whatever you say we’ll agree on.
(They both go and stand close to Naresh. In a bit, he opens his eyes and gets agitated when he says them. He gets up and leaves. Uday and Madan are left looking at each other. Uday goes and sits back down where he was.)
Madan: That poor nice man was just trying to sleep. You’ve chased him off, just because you’re too stubborn to move a little bit.
Uday: Actually…
Madan: Leave it. Don’t apologise again. I’ve already forgiven you once. You’re not even ashamed, are you? At least have the decency to go and check where he went. You’re fooling nobody, pretending to read that book.
(Annoyed, Uday gets up and goes to look for Naresh.)
Uday: (Calling out) Hello- Sir! Listen…where are you? We’re sorry!
(Meanwhile, Madan gets up and sits where Uday was sitting. He looks at the balcony, smiles and closes his eyes. Uday comes back.)
Uday: What is wrong with you? Get up, get up from my spot!
Madan: Wait…wait!
Uday: No you get the hell up. You think that was clever don’t you? Get up!
(Uday pulls Madan off the bench against his will)
Madan: What are you doing? First you come to other people’s towns, and then you snatch what is theirs?
(They start fighting and it gets physical. Suddenly, Uday’s hand makes contact with Uday’s face?)
Uday: Why…why is your face wet?
Madan: I can’t tell you. Just let me sit there a little while longer…just for a little bit…
Uday: No! Stay away. Are you mad? Get off me!
(Physical fight continues. Naresh enters, holding a large stick, which he bangs loudly against the ground. Both of them are startled and stop fighting.)
Uday: I came to call you back, and he took my seat, and now he won’t leave. It’s completely childish.
Naresh: Both of you…out! Out!
(Uday leaves.)
Naresh: Are you waiting for an invitation card?
Madan: Me?
Naresh: Get out!
(Both go to a different part of the park. Naresh looks carefully at the spot they were fighting over)
Naresh: What’s so special about this place? Three identical benches, at the same place and facing the same direction. Just a tree and a building in front…what here is worth making my life hell? Huh?
(Bends a bit, and sees a girl standing on the balcony. She is drying her hair.)
Naresh: Ohh. Oh I see. So that’s what the fighting was about.
Uday: What? What was it about?
(He comes running back, peers and sees the girl.)
Madan: Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not like that.
Naresh: There’s really only one way to think about this.
Uday: She went back inside.
Naresh: Went back?
Madan Went back?
(Madan goes over to look. Naresh and Uday push him, he falls.)
Madan: She’ll be back. She’s just rinsed her hair out right now. She will shampoo next, and then condition it, and then she’ll be back.
Naresh: Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? What kind of teacher are you? I’m embarrassed for you. To think that my son goes to your school!
Madan: This is the kind of teacher I am. The kids call me Gabbar Singh. Feel free to send your son to some other school.
Naresh: Why should my son leave?! You’re the one who should be thrown out. I will write a letter of complaint today!
Madan: What will you write? That I wanted to sit on this bench? What else have I done?
(He tries to sit at the spot, but Uday doesn’t let him)
Uday: What you’re doing is stalking a girl. Which counts as harassment.
Madan: Harassment? (Madan suddenly looks serious. He takes out a handkerchief from his bag and starts mopping his face with it.)
Uday: Also, why is your face wet?
Madan: I can’t tell you that.
(Naresh stands in front of him, holding the stick)
Naresh: Why is your face wet.
Madan: Fine, I’ll tell you. And if you still think I’m harassing her after this story, I’ll do whatever you deem best. But if you change your mind, I get this bench. Fine?
Uday: Oi, I’m not getting up from here.
Madan: (To Naresh) He’s being unreasonable-
Naresh: We’ll sort that out, you tell us the story first.
Madan: Alright fine. She lives in that house, behind this building. That spot is the only place from where her balcony is visible. She is the maths teacher in the school.
Naresh: Come on, with your own colleague, really?
Madan: Will you let me finish? I used to come to the park every day, even before I knew her. I used to sit there, where you’re sitting right now. That day, it was really crowded, and I had no choice but to sit here.
Uday: Will you get to the point?
Madan: Yes I’m trying to. That day, she stepped onto her balcony right after a bath, to dry her hair in the sun. I couldn’t look away. And then- she shook her hair to get the water out- and a drop came flying and landed on my cheek. There was no wind. I thought I was hallucinating. Ever since that day, just to make sure the drop was real, I come and sit here. And you won’t believe what I’ve found- the water drops from her have the same trajectory. Every single time. Every single time drops land on my face.
Naresh: Does she know about this?
Madan: No- I don’t even know what ‘this’ is. How am I supposed to tell her?
Uday: And?
Madan: And nothing. This is the story. It’s become a habit now, it’s almost an addiction.
Uday: Would you like to get treated for it?
Madan: No. This is the only thing in my life that makes me feel slightly special- do you understand? The only thing. Apart from this I can’t tell one day from the other- it’s all an endless blur of the same old classrooms. So tell me now- is this, in any way, harassment?
Naresh: No. But…
Madan: Great, then give me my seat.
Uday: I told you I’m not getting up from here.
Madan: Come on, you’ve already lost this argument. Now get up.
Uday: What argument? I didn’t agree to anything. I’m not moving from my place, and that’s that.
(Madan tries to pull Uday off the bench)
Naresh: Listen to me sir, please just go sit over there. I mean…this may not be harassment but it’s also not not harassment.
Uday: Arrey! He’s very clearly sitting here gawking at her. It’s not right.
Naresh: Yes but he;s not exactly stalking or harassing her either.
Madan: This argument is already over. I’m telling you, give me that seat!
(They start fighting again, Naresh intervenes.)
Naresh: Wait wait. He hasn’t spoken yet. Let him present his argument, and then I’ll decide who should get to sit here.
Uday: Look, when I came to this park…
(Madan catches hold of Naresh and takes him aside)
Madan: He’s already told us his problem! Once you start thinking you’re a genius- that’s it, game over for your sanity. You start thinking you’re entitled to the whole world. Hitler suffered the same sickness.
Uday: Are you making fun of my condition?
Madan: No no…it’s just…you know you’re sick…
Uday: Maybe you’ll find it funny if I break your nose eh?
Madan: (To Naresh) Did you hear that? He’s threatening me now.
Naresh: Both of you, shut up! Go to your places. Now, tell us why you have a greater right to this place.
(Uday gets serious. He can see his spot slipping away.)
Uday: I have nothing to prove! I came here first, the bench is mine. You’re my witness!
Naresh: But when you came you sat over here didn’t you?
Uday: Yes, and then you made me get up!
Naresh: No you don’t understand what I’m trying to say. That spot has a history attached to it now. And whoever has the greater history, wins.
Uday: I’ve just got my law degree. I’m very well acquainted with legality- and nobody, nobody has the right to make anyone else leave a public space.
Naresh: What you’re forgetting, Mr. Lawyer, is that right here, right now- I am the law. I have a weapon in my hand and this debate will be settled by me. You gave me that power yourself, to make a final decision. So this is me taking that decision, which means all other laws are in this instance redundant. And as far as public property is concerned, well, nothing is really public property in this country. Not for all the public anyway. So tell me, do you have anything else to say before I proceed?
Uday: (Applauds) This is justice! Fantastic, I mean truly, fantastic. I was here first, this is my seat- so to speak, my home. You tell a few stories about law and justice and at the end of the day, kick me out of my own house.
Madan: This is a park! Not your house! Are you even listening to what’s coming out of your mouth?
Uday: Aren’t you a teacher? Ever heard of ‘examples’?
(Madan takes a few steps towards Uday menacingly, and Uday gets even angrier)
Uday: Don’t you dare come here…don’t you dare- I can do anything for this spot.
Madan: Did you hear that? He’s threatening me.
Naresh: This is Gandhi Park! No violence here please.
Madan: You bloody Godse!
Uday: Sorry, sorry!
(Madan and Naresh stand to the side, looking a little frightened. Uday thinks he has gone too far. Naresh looks at Madan and gestures at him to go take Uday’s place. Madan is about to go when Uday turns and looks. Madan looks at Naresh and Naresh gestures at him to abort mission and go back to the middle bench. Madan goes back to the middle bench. Suddenly, Uday gets up and stomps his foot hard on his bench. Now, only that leg is on the bench. Both of them look at Uday)
Uday: For example…listen to this now! It’s an example…
Naresh: What now?
Uday: That’s the only way I can stake a claim to this bench- through examples. I assume- well not assume, hope, that you’re educated enough to bear with me. Now listen to the example. If we say this bench is Palestine- your decision makes me an Arab! I let him (Naresh) stay here, take shelter for as long as he needs- and now he’s throwing me out! I am reduced to fighting tooth and claw for this tiny piece of land and when I do that, he says I’m being violent!
Madan: What are you on about?
Naresh: Wait, wait, I understand his argument. I want to reply to that. Actually, Israel was given to Yaqoob, the son of Ibrahim, one of God’s angels. So really, it’s always belonged to the jews. It’s always been Israel, not Palestine. It’s a different matter that history is complicated and they could never actually live there, but the fact remains that it belonged to them. The day they came back and said ‘listen, find somewhere else, this is our land’ it became their homeland again- it’s as simple as that. Of course, it is unfortunate that in the language of the Arabs ‘Israel’ translates to the God of death but…
Uday: But what about those good, innocent people (Arabs) who thought it was their home? You can’t just start quoting your God and snatch away their lives.
Madan: What- why are we talking about this?
Uday: Because you’re doing to me what they did to the Arabs. You Jew.
Madan: Did you just call me a Jew? Because I want to sit on the corner of a park bench? Seriously, what is wrong with you? Enough is enough! You lost this argument ages ago, now get off and let me sit there!
Uday: I’m not getting up so easily. But because you seem desperate- I have a compromise. If you can get me back to my original seat (where Naresh is sitting) I will go sit there. And then you can ask him for this bench.
Madan: Excellent! Yes that works- get up now so we can exchange.
Uday: Not so fast- I’ll get up when he does.
Madan: (To Naresh) Come on sir, get up! We’ve finally found a solution.
Naresh: I don’t have a problem with exchanging benches…just give me a minute to think about it..
Madan: What is there to think about?
Naresh: It’s not as straightforward as you think. I have no problem giving you my seat…but I have a problem being evicted from my place.
Madan: Bhaisahab, nobody is evicting you! You are just exchanging one seat for another.
Naresh: But once I exchange with him, will you then make me get up again to exchange with you?
Madan: Yes that’s correct. So you go there first, and then there.
Naresh: So what you’re saying is, I will be uprooted from my place not once but twice, when all I wanted to do was take a nap.
Madan: Well…why don’t you assume that that is actually your place? I mean that one and then that one.
Naresh: How can I? I am sitting here, therefore this is my place.
Madan: I just don’t understand you people. Why are you making such a big deal of this? There are three benches, three of us, how does it matter who sits where? That one spot is important to me for personal reasons and the two of you are just torturing me for the sake of entertainment. I have to sit here and listen to your idiotic speeches and I’m the only one who has anything to lose.
(Madan is angry and sits there in silence. Some time passes.)
Naresh: Have you ever been to Kashmir?
Madan: No.
Naresh: Nor have I. I’ve just seen it on the Indian map. Still, when some other country claims that Kashmir belongs to them, I can’t stand it. It bothers me. We don’t know the first thing about the people who live there, and nor are we too bothered about finding out…and yet the possessiveness! The outrage! The funny thing is I have absolutely no connection to it. All I know is that I am sitting here, now, and nobody can take that away from me.
Madan: I’m hardly asking you to give me Kashmir.
Uday: It’s an example!
Madan: What kind of example is that? How on earth is this bench comparable to Kashmir?
Uday: It’s not about the bench. It’s about place- your place, and being uprooted from it.
Madan: But I’m offering him a different place! That one and then that one!
Uday: (To Naresh) When people are thrown out of home and given another piece of land, they never accept it immediately. They wait their entire lives- hell their descendants wait their whole lives for everything to become normal. To be called home again. That’s what China had done to the Tibetans.
Naresh: (To Uday) But that never happens. Nobody is ever called home again. You belong to a place only as long as you are actually there. Once you’ve left, once you’ve been thrown out it can’t ever really be yours again. It doesn’t matter how many Tibetans and their Llamas insist it was theirs- nobody is listening anymore.
Madan: For the last bloody time- what are both of you talking about?
Uday: Just like the history of this place is in your bones, I carry around a different history. The history of being uprooted.
Madan: What kind of history is that? I’ve never read anything like it.
Uday: That’s the problem, it’s the hidden history, the secret history, the story that never gets read. Look at him fighting tooth and nail for that place. Would anyone believe that he’s an invader himself? That I was uprooted from the same spot not an hour ago? All that history is just gone, erased!
Naresh: Why must you be so dramatic? Let go of these petty details.
Uday: Let go? How can I let go? Being forced out of the place you occupy is a humiliation. If you don’t think so, why don’t you let me sit there and see how it feels?
Naresh: (To Madan) Here, take your bench.
Madan: (Ecstatic) Thank you! (To Uday) here, he agreed, now please get up.
Uday: You misunderstood me. Right now, you’re just changing places with me- that’s easy enough. I’m talking about being forced to leave a place, and that’s very very different. So if you leave that place because he told you to, I’ll get up and exchange.
Madan: What are you talking about?
Naresh: Oh for the love of God, how does it matter? Whether I grab my ear like this or like that, it amounts to the same bloody thing!
Uday: No it doesn’t. Grab your ear the way I’m telling you to, and I think you’ll realise the difference.
Madan: Oh for- just do what he’s telling you to and let’s get this over with.
Naresh: Why should I grab my ears?
Madan: (To Uday) Tell me how you want me to hold my ear, I’ll do it.
Uday: You’re still not getting it.
Madan: Oh I’m not getting it? Really? I’m the one who desperately needs that stupid bench you’ve occupied and I’m not getting it?
Naresh: You’re not actually- we’re still speaking in examples.
Madan: What fucking examples? I’ve had it with you and your examples! Explain it then, if it's so important!
Naresh: Do you really want me to explain?
Madan: Please.
Naresh: Listen carefully! Akkad bakkad bombay bo…are you following me so far? Akkad bakkkad bombay bo, assi nabbe poore sau…sau mein laga dhaaga…chor nikal ke bhaaga…woh bhaaga aur yeh meri jagah- got it?
Madan: (Pointing at himself) Bombay! Nabbe! Chor! No, no you’re doing it wrong. What was the point of this anyway? Give me a straight answer, will you switch places with him or not?
Naresh: The straight answer is that I have no objections to switching places. He’s the one you have to convince.
Madan: Great, you have no objections right? That’s all I wanted to know. Now you… (To Uday) you are going back on your word sir.
Uday: No I’m not. All I’m saying is get him up first, and then I’ll give him the seat.
Madan: But it’s the same thing! Look, please just get up. I’m begging you, please get up.
Uday: People like you are the reason Adivasis have to resort to Naxalbari.
Madan: …what?
Uday: If you keep moving people around, snatching their land, eventually they have no choice but to pick up their weapons.
Madan: …I think he might actually be going mad… maybe he has a hidden weapon too!
Naresh: No, no relax. I keep telling you he’s talking in examples. Let me explain-
Madan: No no no you wait. I’ll deal with him. Listen here, genius. If you displace adivasis and don’t give them a place to settle instead, of course they will turn violent! But I’m giving you a place, see? You just have to switch. Understood now? Is that example clear enough for you?
Uday: If you’ve finally grasped the metaphor, I assume you now understand why I’m telling you to tell him to move first?
Madan: Because you don’t want to be the adivasi.
Naresh: Nevermind, I understand what he wants. You have to come here and say- “please get up and leave”, and then I’ll get up and leave.
Madan: (Goes over to Naresh) Please get up and-
(Naresh gets up)
Uday: No not like that. Nobody abandons home so easily. Being forced to leave your place involves pain. Suffering. You have to make that evident in your tone- you aren’t just politely asking him.
Madan: What is this madness? He’s getting up isn’t he? You’re getting your bloody place. The way he gets up hardly matters!
Uday: Of course it matters. It’s not about getting, it’s about being forced to get up. If doesn’t make a difference to you, go on, commit to the bit. Tell him to get up as if he’s occupied your home and is refusing to leave.
Naresh: I know I said I don’t care but I haven’t stolen anybody’s home…
Uday: I was just explaining the emotion
Naresh: (Muttering) ‘Explaining the emotion’...go on, go on get this over with.
Madan: Get up, get up now!
Uday: Hmm, still too polite. More anger!
Naresh: For fuck’s sake just do it the way he wants you to fast. I don’t have all day.
Madan: Get up, that’s my place…
Naresh: Oh come on, really?
Madan: Get up, up! Right now! You, I’m talking to you- stand up! Right now I tell you, I can do anything for my spot! (Advances towards Naresh in an absolute rage, grabs his collar) Didn’t you hear me? Get out now- before I kick you out myself! I’ll make you crawl out I swear I’ll do it- now!
(Naresh stares at him in shocked silence. He has stood up. Naresh and Uday start walking at the same time. Naresh walks over and sits where Uday was, and Uday goes over to Naresh’s place.)
Madan: I’m…I’m sorry. I got a bit carried away. Didn’t mean to shout at you.
Uday: (In a low voice) No, you did well.
Madan: I still have to get to change one more time. Should I do it again?
(Uday looks angrily at Madan, and he shuts up)
Naresh: What’s the time?
Uday: Three thirty.
Naresh: My son’s exam result is due in half an hour. I wanted to pass the time by taking a nap. Since you two idiots wouldn’t shut up, I thought I might as well join in and distract myself.
Uday: Well it’s three thirty already.
Madan: Are you planning on sitting there till four? She’ll be here any minute now.
Uday: Shhh!
Naresh: I’ve been coming to this park every day for ten years with my son. He loves it here.
Uday: How old is your son?
Naresh: He’s fifteen.
Madan: But…the only results out today are for the fifth grade.
Naresh: He is in the fifth grade. He’s…a little weak, mentally.
Madan: Oh I know him! He attends my music class. Wait wait I’ll remember his name, he’s that disabled kid-
Naresh: He is not disabled! It’s because of teachers like you that he keeps failing his exams.
Madan: Look, I think-
Naresh: I don’t give a damn about what you think. I know the whole fifth grade syllabus by heart- word for word. I’ve been helping him prepare for this exam for the past four years. It’s…it’s important that he passes today, for both of us.
Madan: I know that boy…he’s just being sentimental.
Uday: Will you shut up!
Naresh: Yes I’m getting sentimental. You know, I bought him a cycle two years ago. He still hasn’t touched it, because he knows he hasn’t passed the stupid exam. When teachers like you- the Gabbar Singhs of this world make fun of him at school he doesn’t eat his dinner. Now we’ve both decided that as soon as we pass this exam, we’ll leave school. I know he’ll pass this time…but still I can’t stand the seconds ticking by. That’s why I stuffed myself, so I could sleep through the afternoon, wake up at four and know the result straight away.
(All three of them sit in silence for a while)
Uday: You’re making him cheat, it isn’t right.
Naresh: What? I’m helping him study.
Uday: That’s not what I’m talking about. Look, all of us, we’re playing certain characters right? We have roles and we play them to the best of our ability. But if you force someone to take on a role that’s not theirs- they aren’t living, they’re copying. It’s at best a weak imitation of life. Your son…I don’t think he wants to copy. I think he wants to live. When I was born my parents thought I was a special child, and here I am all these years later, still playing that character. Even though I know it’s wrong, and I’m just an ordinary man.
Naresh: Just like my son is a special child, and I’ve been hell bent on making him an ordinary man.
(Uday’s gaze falls on Madan, who has been sitting quietly all this while.)
Uday: Listen, go ahead and take your seat. We don’t mind.
(Madan doesn’t move)
Naresh: What happened? Don’t you want it now?
(Madan stays silent, Naresh starts getting angry.) Hey, I’m talking to you. Are you deaf?
Uday: Why aren’t you sitting on your bench? We moved.
Madan: I’m fine here.
Naresh: No, no, no you don’t get to play the martyr now. You got your place now go sit there. Go on, move.
Uday: Oh let it go. Who cares? So he doesn’t want to sit there anymore.
Naresh: Why should we let it go? He’s made our lives hell all for that stupid bench and now he’s not sitting on it! ‘That’s my spot, that’s my spot’ well go sit there now! Come on get up! Up!
(Naresh is getting steadily angrier. He tries to pull Madan up, Uday stops him and Madan doesn’t move. Naresh’s anger grows)
Uday: Leave it, leave it. It’s ok, it doesn't matter.
Naresh: Oh ok, I see how it is.
(Naresh starts calling out to the maths teacher, Uday tries to stop him)
Naresh: Hello! Maths teacher…lady-hello! Can you hear me? Come outside!
Uday: Stop! What are you doing?
Naresh: You keep quiet. Listen- madam! Miss!
Madan: Go ahead, yell! Call her! Come on, I’ll help you. (Shouts-) Miss! Ma’am! Come on, come outside! Why did you stop? Don’t stop now, it’s all over anyway. You’ve destroyed everything.
Uday: What did we do?
Madan: The maths teacher was never important. Her standing there, drying her hair in the sun, none of that was important. Everything that was important- you’ve killed it now.
Naresh: Arrey! You’re talking as if we’ve murdered someone.
Madan: You have. I’m Gabbar Singh…in the school, at home, in public- I’m the villain everywhere. This was the only place I wasn’t the villain. On this bench I was a good man- someone worthy, heroic even. This was the only place I was ever really myself. And today, with great skill, you’ve smashed that to pieces. I’m a villain here too. I’m a bad man everywhere.
(Uday is going towards Madan, but Naresh stops him. Naresh goes to him instead)
Naresh: I can do anything for my place, and you gave it to me. I mean, first that one and then this one. Your spot is empty now, please go sit there.
(Tenderly puts a hand on Madan’s shoulder) Go ahead, sit there.
(Madan gets up and goes to sit at his spot. Uday picks up his bag and walks towards Naresh. Looks at his watch and says-)
Uday: It’s four o’clock. Best of luck.
(Naresh and Uday exit from the left and right wing. Madan closes his eyes. Slowly, music builds and only a spotlight is left- directly on Madan’s face, where we see it changing colours. It looks slightly surreal and kind of magical. Black out.)
The end.
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